Create a Positive First Impression In-Person

By Vic Downing

© Vic Downing March 2007

Face-to-face first impressions are high-risk-high-reward moments. Here are five ways to make that first in-person meeting a positive one:

1. Do a superior impersonation of yourself. Forget about “looking good”, being “impressive”, or “saying the right thing.”
2. Take the initiative. Help the other person feel more at-ease, “break the ice,” and take action when the conversation bores the other person.
3. Add value. Make your goal to leave the other person better than you found him/her. Abandon the goal of walking out with more than you walked in with.
4. Listen more than you speak, and listen with the intent of helping the other person get his/her point across.
5. Be on time, polite, and appropriately dressed.

Now let’s go in-depth on some sticky issues.

How do I talk about achievements and not sound arrogant?

First of all, if you are arrogant you’re in trouble because there is no way to hide it. If this is you, then you need to spend more time with more perceptive and candid people. These people will give you an honest appraisal of yourself. Also, you need to get to know the people in your world a lot better. Then you will discover they are more capable and dignified than you had assumed.

Let’s assume you are not arrogant, and let’s assume you are an accomplished person with lots of talent and capabilities and valuable ideas. If this is the case, then it is easy to “come across” as being arrogant. How can you talk about yourself honestly and send the message that you’re “just a regular guy?” Here are four recommendations:

We not me

Talk about what the team accomplished, not what you did.

Do This: “I led a team that attacked staff turnover problems. What we did was… In less than six months we…”

Don’t Do This: “I was responsible for reducing staff turnover by 50% in less than six months. What I did was…”

Dignified pride not false modesty

No doubt you have done some things of which you are—and should be—proud. Say so.

Do This: “One of the highlights of my career was when I was asked to ____. The result was fantastic! Here’s what happened: __________. I’m really proud of that!”

Don’t Do This: “Aw-shucks… I just got lucky last year and was picked to ____________. It worked out pretty well, and I guess folks were grateful. Here’s what happened: _________.”

Substance not smoke

Talk about facts. Stay away from “spin.”

Do This: “In the preceding 18 months, the distribution center had a miss-pick rate of .01 which resulted in an annual loss of $1.3 million. The team I led chopped that miss-pick rate to .0023 for an annual loss of $176 thousand. The ROI for that effort was 50:1. Here is how we did that…”

Don’t Do This: “Solving problems at the distribution center is tough, but if you know your way around the ins-and-outs of the DC it is do-able and the ROI can be enough to really get the attention of ‘the big boys.’ I slashed the miss-picks and the annual losses in our DC last year more than any other DC in the company.”

Listen

Do a superior impersonation of yourself.

People who presume their thoughts and their comments are superior to others’ rarely hesitate to interrupt, break eye contact when the other person is speaking, or consider how one’s message is “coming across”. After all, when you are the brightest kid in the room, why listen? It is also true that people who are nervous or enthusiastic and not arrogant often look like they are not listening. Therefore, it is important to listen in ways that clearly signal you are anything but arrogant. Here’s how to do that:

• Don’t speak when the other person is speaking.
• Don’t listen for an opening to make your point.
• Listen for the point the other person is making, the intention the other person has in making that point, and the specifics or arguments that support what the other person is saying (i.e., point, intent, argument). Respond to that before you talk about your point, intent, argument.
• Pause between the time the other person finishes speaking and the time you start speaking.
• Look at the other person’s eyes when he/she is speaking.
• As you are speaking, look for clues that the other person disagrees or is confused or is not interested in what you are saying. When you spot those clues, follow up. Don’t start talking faster and louder with the futile hope of “fixing the problem”. For example, “Looks like you see it differently… I’d like to hear about that…” or, “This subject doesn’t seem to be on your top 10 list. What is on that list?”

How do I make it obvious that I am a leader?

Leader is as leader does.

Leaders take the initiative to build relationships that result in teams that solve problems that are important to customers… and they do that under adverse conditions. A face-to-face first meeting has the potential to be a very adverse condition. Use it to demonstrate you that you are a leader by doing the following:

Take the initiative to build a relationship

Don’t wait to “get comfortable” and don’t wait for the other person to “carry the conversation.” Take the initiative! Also, don’t seize the opportunity to impress this person. Instead, stop, take a breath, “shake hands with your eyes,” smile, use his/her name, and then begin speaking. Build a relationship.

Find out what you and he/she have in common

Build a team. “Small talk” is valuable: it builds a bridge from the land of strangers to the land of people-like-us. Here are a couple of ways to do that:

Talk about what you are experiencing

“I loved driving in for this meeting this morning! What a stellar view as I crossed the bridge…” [Noticing a fly fishing calendar on the wall and pointing to it] “Truth be told, that’s my passion. I just got back from…” “Being in this office on the 36th floor in San Francisco reminds me of the time I was on the 30th floor of a building in Tokyo when an earthquake hit…”

Solve problems that are important to this person

This requires preparation. Don’t ever try to wing-it once you are in the conversation. To succeed with this you need to research this person’s business trends, the impacts of those trends on his/her most important business objectives, and the resultant needs or opportunities that these facts foster. Never fake your knowledge of these subjects. Always show up with detailed facts and not generalities.

Listen.

Finally, be prepared with specific examples of how you have led teams to solve important problems or achieve important business objectives. Each of your examples should prove that you took initiative, that you built relationships that resulted in a vibrant team, that you solved important business problems, and that you did all that under adverse conditions. The benefit you derive from this is in direct proportion to the extent and quality of your preparation.

How do I recover if there is no “chemistry” or the person seems totally disinterested?

First, it is important to keep in mind that your goal is not that you and the other person “hit it off”… it would be nice, but it isn’t necessary. Your goals are to do an excellent impersonation of yourself and to offer value to your host. If either or both of those efforts are not of interest to your host, you have still succeeded and your host has lost an opportunity.

With this in mind, it is helpful to do a very quick check of your efforts:

• Am I doing a really good impersonation of myself?
• Did I come to this meeting with value to add to my host’s world?
• Am I on time, dressed appropriately, polite, and professional?
• Am I doing an excellent job of listening to this person? (See above.)

If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” then fix the problem. If the answers are all “yes,” then do the following:

1. Stop talking. Breathe. Listen.
2. Decide if it is worth investigating the lack of interest.

Your goal is not that you and the other person “hit it off.”

If it isn’t, then thank your host for the time and consideration and politely bring the conversation to a close. If it is worth your time, then ask some version of the question, “What aspect of this discussion is of greatest value to you?” or “What is of greater interest to you than what we have been discussing?” Alternatively, change the focus of your discussion to an aspect of the subject that you hope will be of greater interest to your host: “If I may change the subject slightly, what are your thoughts on…?”

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